First off, FUCK YOU! I'm getting sick and fucking tired of telemarketers calling and begging for money for this cause and that. If I want to cough up my hard earned fucking money, I'll call you.

Here's the deal - not more than 10 minutes ago (it's now March 26th, 2003 at 4:23pm CDT according to my computer) I had some asshole call me asking if I'd donate more money to the police. I told him no. I have personal reasons for this, and I shouldn't have to explain this to these fucking low-life cock-suckers who've nothing better to do than bug me during my personal time at home.

Anyway, this son-of-a-bitch thanks me for past donations, tells me they've already mailed some bullshit out, and he's just calling to double check that they can count on me again this year... what the hell for! You already said you put this shit in the mail without asking me, why fucking call? And then, when I tell him no, he can't count on me this year, the fucker has the nerve to say 'thanks for nothing' as he hangs up. Fuck you pal! How would you like me to call you at home asking for donations after you've put in your 8 hours a day or 40 a week, or whatever amount of time it is you put in? I don't think you'd appreciate, especially if I made condescending remarks as I hung up after you declined my oh-so-gracious offer.

So, if you've read this far, you must be nuts. Or interested. Whatever. Regardless, here's my reason for not donating - the Fargo fucking PD is worthless to me. They've done shit over the past 4 years (minus 1 incident out of how knows how fucking many) to actually assist me. We have noisy neighbors. We ask them to keep it down when it's late and our son is asleep. Do they care? FUCK NO! We aren't feeling good, we ask the same, we get the same. My wife even had to put up with some asshole mocking her after he closed the door. HELLO DIPSHIT! If the walls are thin enough we can hear your subwoofer over our TV (which is turned up so we MIGHT be able to hear it), do you honestly fucking think (if I stopped there, the answer would be 'no' [they don't think]) that we can't hear you when we're still RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR FUCKING DOOR making comments and mocking us? How god damn dumb can you be. Fuck you. And the Fargo PD too.

Why fuck the Fargo PD? Because they have yet to come over here and get these sorry sacks of shit to keep the noise down. Sure, we could call the Resident Manager and the owner of the building. If they fucking cared! They don't have to put up with this shit, and they don't give a damn. How fucking quaint. So, for four years, we've put up with a bunch of shit from a slew of morons, and I'm sick of it!

Why ELSE fuck the Fargo PD? Here's a reason - I come from Aberdeen, SD (yes, pity me). During construction periods, no one EVER told me that I couldn't go an extra 5 or 10 feet to get to a turn off. Yet, here in wonderful Fargo, ND, I had some asshole cop stop my vehicle and belittle me for 5 minutes or so. He asked why I continued past a section that was marked off (ya know, the little orange barricade - that DOESN'T cover the whole road?). I started to answer by say, "I didn't think..." where he immediately cut me off saying "You damn right you didn't think". This, from the man in blue, the man that is supposed to protect the innocent and arbitrate over small situations, a man who is supposed to listen to reason, and then belittle you. Had the fucking asshole listened for about 6 second more, he would have heard "I didn't think it would be a big deal since there is a turn off right there (less than 5 feet ahead). I ended up calling the station about him. The captain asked what I wanted done. I told him all I wanted was for this officer to understand that some people have something worth saying, that he needs to listen, and that he shouldn't belittle people over something stupid. The captain told me he was sure he knew who the officer was, and that he would talk to him. He explained that the man typically deals with truckers, who are apparently not so bright, and after that, I understood why officer was such a moron. It didn't give him the right to be one, but I understood.

Another reason I say fuck the Fargo PD - we had a minor theft in our building. Yes, it's trivial. Until you add up all the other shit we live with. Some asshole stole our laundry basket. I'm sick and tired of putting up with this shit, so I type up a letter that basically says grow the fuck up, return what's ours, and I won't rip you a new one. We get letter back, slid under our door telling us to fuck off. And one that read something like "By the way, nice kid". How would you take that statement? I actually feared for my son after that. I mean, was that supposed to be a compliment? A threat? What the hell was it supposed to mean!? So, we call the police - my wife won't let me take my anger out on my neighbors, even though I'd feel so much better - and we get an officer over here. We show him the letters, explain the situation and... we get nothing. Except sarcastic, worthless advice from a fucking lazy ass son-of-a-bitch officer who doesn't want to earn the money that he's supposed to. (Meaning he just wants to collect his check without working for it). He tells us that "This is an apartment building, you have to live with it". HAVE to LIVE with it? FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. You try living with it. I want to know what he'd do if someone took his shit? I'm guessing go door to door, gun in hand saying "gimme back my shit". Fuck you loser. YOU deal with it, and see how you like it.

So, after 4 years of shit, after 4 years of trying to control my temper, after 4 years of trying to be nice to my neighbors, FUCK YOU. And after 24+ years of trying to respect the Police, FUCK YOU TOO. You haven't done shit for me no matter where I lived (yeah, there was an incident in Aberdeen too), so fuck you. Tell your telemarketing lackey sacks of shit to kiss my rosy white ass and go to hell. I refuse to donate money to a worthless organization. If the day ever comes when you help EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME, I just might think about the possibility of donating to you fucking dill holes.

 

 

Thus ends that rant of Pumpkin on why he hates telemarketers and police officers. And should any of you reading this not appreciate it, to fucking bad. Try living my life and tell me that you'd still have some sort of vast love for the police and telemarketers.

(Total time writing this - 22 minutes. And damn did it feel good)