Ahahahahahahahahahahaha.... hahahahahah.... haha. huh. hoo boy. wow. e-hee. *pant pant* e-heh heh. *sigh*
*Looks up* Oh. I suppose you'd like to know what's so gut busting funny around here? I don't think I've had a better Sunday morning. I came into work, had a note that said something about audio being out, and I thought "That's odd. It was fine all day while I was there." Our viewers must have thought so too, because let me tell ya, no one called during my shift. But oh boy, if you fuck up Cops, people get pissed. 25 MESSAGES were waiting for me this morning as I walk in. TWENTY-FIVE! Voice mail, in case you didn't catch on.
Anyway, I didn't listen to them all. You sort of get the hint after 3 messages that all people care about is the fact that we have no audio being broadcast. Now, I'm usually clever enough to figure out how to fix things quick, even if it's temporary. Our weekend operator... well, she stresses easy. If you tell her something new or abnormal is coming up, she gets a look of absolute terror on her face and practically panics. Even when you give her clear instructions. Now, I love this girl dearly, she's a great person, but good lord, I have never seen someone so terrified of something new. Anyway, by the tone of the messages, I can about imagine how long it took the op last night to figure something out. I'm sure she called for help right away, but when I think about it, I find her situation funny. I also find it funny that 25 people call in to bitch, and this poor girl doesn't know how to check our voice mail either.
So, the real funny part? My favorite message. It starts out as silence. Then this lady is talking... no, damn near yelling about how there's no sound for Cops. She's screaming things like "I only get to watch TV ONE NIGHT A WEEK. You can't do this to me! You better rerun this NEXT WEEK because this isn't fair! ONE NIGHT A WEEK!" somewhere in that, I cut the message off because I didn't feel like listening to some old hag whine about how she only watches TV... one night a week was it? And something about us practically being required to rerun the show? Look lady, the show doesn't make us the money, it draws the viewers whom we then bombard with :05 second to 2:00 minute long spots (aka, commercials) which actually make money for us. None of us here could really give a damn about the show being clipped, or missing audio for a few *ahem* minutes. The commercials make us money and ensure that we get our pay check twice a month.
Now, I'm not saying that we actually do NOT care about problems here - we do. I explained this to a guy LAST week that called a couple times complaining. I also got him calm enough to have a real conversation with me where I explained that we don't like to have problems here for two reasons. 1) It means a bunch of pissed-off viewers calling and ripping us a new one and 2) We don't like to have problems at work. By the time I was done talking to him, he was very calm, and understood the problem. That's amazing since most days I want to rip people's throats out when they call and bitch. And because I have so little real information, I'm constantly pulling shit out of my ass to make these people THINK I know what I'm talking about.
OK. Before I go, I have to let you know about some other calls, because I think it makes things funny. There were a few hang ups; you know, the kind where people listen to this pre-recorded message about how we have trouble or whatever. Then they sit there, not speaking as if they expect a real person to suddenly answer. HELLO! You just got the voice mail system. How many businesses do you know that have people manning the phones, listening to the message play, and THEN talk to you?
Other calls included the typical "Did you know there was no audio at this time?" or "It's xx:xx pm on Saturday (or more generically, it's 'the weekend') and there's no audio, were you aware of this?" or "There hasn't been audio for x hours, you need to fix this!". Well, as I listen to these, I'm thinking "No, we had no FUCKING CLUE that there was a problem, no one bothered to try and fix it, no one tried to call someone who knew HOW to fix it" and "No." As in "no, we aren't going to fix the problem, we thoroughly enjoy listening to 25 fucking messages of how were going to be castrated because people can't watch Cops." I couldn't give a shit less. Not just because I (normally) don't work Saturday nights. It's called 'reruns'. You know, where the show is aired again at a later time because all the hired morons at the network can't come up with enough new ideas to fill every minute of every day with something new and interesting. That word again - rerun. Wait for next summer, or even 'winter break' when shows are rerun (yes folks, they will air it again). Or even better, wait a year or two until all 30 cable stations pick up the new rerun season of Cops, where you can then catch your precious season premiere of insignificance.
Yes, that's for the old hag - screw you! We will NOT rerun this damn show on your say so. Boo fucking hoo if you can't watch your stupid ass 16 or 17 year old rerun show. Cuz yes bitch, every episode is the same. Officer bumble-fuck is out on patrol with a camera crew, chasing down some drugged up hippie that hasn't done a fucking thing wrong in his life, and can't figure out why the cops are raggin on him for that drug addiction he doesn't have and that shemale whore he picked up a mile and half back so his friends didn't think he was a loser without a girl. Yes you stupid hag, you watch reruns every year and don't even realize it. You're too god damned blind to realize that all they did was change the actor, the script, and still gave you the same story. STFU.